Girls' Frontline: My Apocalypse with Dolls

Page 295

Family members are used against them and threatened by others. Isn't this just one aspect of this filth?

However, this is also one of the best solutions that UMP45 came up with in order to achieve the commander's objectives...

She knew very well that her commander was an ambitious man who did not limit his sights to just one state.

Overthrowing Umbrella is undoubtedly a good thing for the world, but how much evil will they commit along the way?

Is it worthwhile to commit countless evils just for that one final good deed?

Or is it that good and evil have no meaning for them at all, and they are just doing it to achieve that goal?

Is it one sin against a hundred virtues, or one virtue against a hundred sins?

"Mr. Williams."

She said in a deep voice.

"how?"

"How long have you been sitting in this position?"

"...Twenty-three years."

"Looking back now, do you regret what you've gained compared to what you've lost?"

"......"

He didn't answer, nor did he know how to answer; to put it more precisely, he even felt ashamed of it.

He did gain, and he did lose. Of course he regretted it. With so much wealth and fame, he was already a success in the broad sense.

But the threats he will face tomorrow are no less than his money, and those threats are also driven by money and are directed at him.

After a long silence, he sealed the wine and put it back into the ice bucket.

"...I don't know how to answer you. Maybe I regret it. After all, a bullet is in my head, and I can't use money to pry it out, can I?"

"indeed......."

Therefore, M16 has been worried about Luo Fan's path for a long time. He is much younger than the godfather in front of him and has seen darkness, but he is not as profound as the godfather. Is he ready to face all of this?

She didn't want him to endure all the pressure, only to become emaciated, ashen-faced, numb to these losses, and no longer saddened.

Learning to take responsibility is a sign of growth, but it doesn't mean that collapsing after suffering is a sign of incompetence.

hemp

The anesthesia is gone, and now I'm really distressed. I haven't slept well for days, and my throat is inflamed again.

It's very simple. What I want to write is different from what everyone wants to see.

My inspiration is constantly evolving. From the very beginning of Girls' Frontline to now, the information I can reveal is that the story of this book will be much longer and bigger than everyone imagines. It is not limited to Girls' Frontline at all, and it is impossible to tell this story well with just the characters from Girls' Frontline.

To those who keep saying that the waxing and waning don't advance the plot, I can only say, don't rush. I remember asking before if there would be superpowers and science fiction elements in the future. According to some group members, this idea is similar to Warhammer's combination of superpowers and technology. This idea comes from the Otherworld Agency. However, the science fiction here is a bit more in line with my own ideas, with a retro feel.

Getting back to the main point, there's a huge disagreement about what I should write. I don't know which side to listen to. Should I write whatever everyone wants to read, or should people tell me what they want to read?

I'm not sure how to continue writing about the wedding that followed. On one hand, I had to satisfy everyone's appetite, and on the other hand, I had to make changes and compromises to the original plan. In the end, it became a bit of a hodgepodge.

I guess I should still trust the people in the group and write what I want to write, instead of letting readers teach me how to write a book. But I just haven't made up my mind, and I'm not sure which side I should listen to.

I got up to write this tonight to sort things out. Everyone can tell me what they want to see next, and I'll try to compromise with the original plan. If you have any complaints about this book or about me personally, you can consider deleting it and leaving.

I know how bad my writing is, and it's precisely because of that that I only write what I want to write.

But after thinking it over, I'm more interested in what everyone thinks: should you teach me how to write, or should I continue writing my own?

432 Diary

2021.5.21

I don't know why, but I suddenly felt like writing something. It's been a long time since I've been back to China, and it's also been a rare trip with Yingque. Maybe if I write something now, I can read it a few more times in the future, at least to remind me of how I used to live, so that I don't lack vivid memories...

When we entered the city, the Bauhinia flowers were already in bloom. To be honest, I don't think I've seen this kind of scenery much in Baiying. Maybe it's because I haven't been there often enough, since I've been spending a lot of time with the girls in places filled with the smell of blood...

I have to say I really enjoyed the view; it was much better than crawling around like a rat in the sewers of the so-called quarantine zone. I even told Yingque that staying in her hometown like this seemed like a good idea, but she also had a point. Maybe I was just acting impulsively; I often have this problem...

I was just suddenly captivated by what I saw. After a while, when I calmed down, I realized that this wasn't the outcome I hoped for...

Just like this mountain, if I were to go two days without internet, a mobile phone, a computer, or anything like that, I wouldn't be able to accept it either.

2021.5.23

We left, and Yingque naturally started to miss home. Before that, I asked her if she wanted to stay a few more days, and she said no, saying that she was considering my work situation. That's what she said, but she definitely wanted to stay longer.

However, there was really no other way. Team 45 kept reporting that they had taken action ahead of schedule and the whole process had gone relatively smoothly. However, the pace of the operation had started to accelerate due to various factors, and there were not enough people. They might not be able to complete everything on their own. Since that was the case, I had to take responsibility and finish things here as soon as possible before going back to coordinate the next step.

If Umbrella weren't here, I would definitely choose to find a peaceful place with the girls, open a bar, and live a simple life like that every day. But the first place I arrived at was Raccoon City. I also saw the existence of Umbrella on the news. If we let it grow wildly, the consequences will be unimaginable. I am the commander of Girls' Frontline, and I am also Lovan. I have to do what I must do.

No one is perfect, but sometimes I can't understand why people expect someone to do everything perfectly, even when they know that no one is perfect. Can they do it themselves? In the same situation, would it be better to let them handle it?

Another thought in my mind told me that I could make a better choice, but at the cost of abandoning the emotions I should have as a human being. I subconsciously gave up because I couldn't do it. I couldn't even send my strong girls to their deaths, so how could I make a better choice?

2021.5.24

After traveling across provinces and spending some time on a plane, my butt was a little numb... Yingque wasn't feeling well either. We were surprisingly in agreement; neither of us had a strong liking for flying. Fortunately, she adjusted quickly and regained her energy after arriving at our destination.

Not long after they left, Yingque pointed to a barbershop and asked whether she preferred long or short hair. Goodness, she still remembered that question.

I personally prefer long hair and white hair, but as for Yingque, I like it either way, so I told her, "Don't go to this hair salon, let it grow a little longer and see how it looks. If it doesn't work out, we can cut it later."

But she somehow figured out my preferences and then asked me if I preferred the AK12 type.

Okay, that's true... but RPK also has short hair, so it's nice that it's different.

Then she kept standing on tiptoe, looking anxious. No wonder, AK12 was a head taller than her, and Yingque's legs weren't as long as hers. Well, isn't the entire Rebellion Squad the same type of long, straight legs? They really can't compare.

But I can say that the way she stood on tiptoe next to me and stuck her tongue out at me was absolutely one of the cutest sights I've ever seen. (Shh, don't tell Little Nine and the dog!)

2021.5.25

I later learned that she had volunteered at orphanages and nursing homes. When I saw her playing with the children, I even wondered if her reserved demeanor when we first met at the bar was an act...

However, her mother told me that she is very shy, especially around people her own age. I can understand that; I used to be similar, and I guess many people are like that.

The way she took care of the children confirmed my previous thoughts; she would definitely be a good mother in the future. At least, I was quite certain when I saw her talking to the children.

When we visited the nursing home, we learned that several of the elderly people she had helped had already passed away...

As we get older, death is inevitable, and we all understand this. But when we witness the passing of someone we cherish, how many of us can remain calm?

When the other volunteers told Yingque that the elderly people kept talking about the dishes she made before they fell asleep, she didn't say anything and silently left the nursing home. I could only follow her out; there was no point in saying anything at that moment.

We sat down by a flowerbed, and after a few minutes, she started to cry.

When I comforted her, she told me that she had spent her whole life trying to be a good person, and she had taken many actions to help many people. She liked to see their smiling faces when they received help, but she couldn't help feeling sad when they left for various reasons.

She then asked me whether she should reduce some of her social relationships in order to respond to the saying that if she had never been in contact with anyone, she wouldn't feel sad when they parted.

I didn't know how to answer him because I often see things like this, but most of the time I'm the one who "perpetrates" the violence. I may not be qualified to answer such a question, but I personally do not agree with this viewpoint.

Perhaps Yingque already knew the answer herself; all she needed was my comfort and reassurance...

She was a strong girl, yet incredibly fragile in some ways. A lily stem can sprout from the soil, withstand wind and rain, and remain steadfast amidst the world's storms, but it can also be crushed into dust at any moment...

Planting flowers is difficult, and growing flowers is difficult too; I have deeply felt this.

But just like her name suggests, she was full of imperfection, and her fullness filled what I lacked. She was so pure and flawless, so different from me, who was stained with blood. Perhaps I found some kind of spiritual inspiration in her, or perhaps I subconsciously craved this kind of peace that I could never obtain in my life.

Even such a ferocious beast might bend down and lick that girl's little hands.

Since walking here might inadvertently trample this sea of ​​lilies, then let me become the shadow beneath the petals, hiding all the darkness and filth in the soil, while these petals, in turn, will bury these unsightly impurities at her roots...

433 Diary

P.S.: Below, I recommend listening to "I Need To Be In Love" by Hajime Mizoguchi.

2021.5.26

Last night, 45 told me about how they coerced the godfather. The process went very smoothly without any conflict. I must say, they did a great job. This will save us a lot of trouble later. 45 is perfect as both a confidante and a wife.

However, she then described in detail what they had seen and heard during the coercion, as if I were listening to a story...

The reason the godfather listened to them so obediently was because they had used his family as leverage. Although they didn't intend to actually do anything about it, it was a blatant threat to him.

Everything went very smoothly, and the two sides reached a cooperative agreement. However, when it came to the choice of the godfather, 45 seemed to be subtly trying to ask me something...

Of course I understand what she means. She probably wants to know whether I would choose my ultimate goal or my family when faced with the same situation.

She immediately explained that even if I chose the former, she would understand. After all, as a commander, some sacrifices are sometimes unavoidable, and this may be a necessary choice on the road to success.

She said that perhaps because she was worried about angering me, or perhaps she was worried that this would create a rift between us. Why would she think that way? Did I act so decisively and ignore their feelings...?

I believe I've done a great job in this regard. I've never let any girl down because of me, and of course I wouldn't do that; I couldn't bear to.

Therefore, I chose the latter without hesitation. If the price of success was giving up one of them, then I chose the latter. No one can take them away from me. Naturally, if anyone has such thoughts about us, then that person must die...

That's my answer. For someone like me who has nothing, family is more important...

Whether she was relieved or not, 45 changed the subject and started joking with me again, seemingly pleased by my answer.

So concerned about them and their gains and losses, is that going to cause problems? Screw that! I don't want to casually deny other people's values, but if someone wants to be the next target, then feel free to try...

2021.5.28

I prepared quite a few masks, and when facing Yingque's old friends, I was able to act very naturally, appearing talkative and friendly, which left a good impression on them. This included when they took me to visit Yingque's university and the breakfast shop they had been to, and I covered most of the expenses for the two-day group tour. We still have to go back, and Yingque will have to say goodbye to them eventually. Even if this is not the last time we see each other, I still hope that she can have one more beautiful memory before that.

However, as I began to write, I recalled Mrs. Grey and 45's assessment of me not long ago. When faced with equally tainted characters, I also seemed equally adept, as if I, like them, had been in this industry for a long time…

16 Pigeons also think so. She said it's a good thing. Having many masks is not a good thing in itself, but it can definitely bring benefits to oneself in some aspects.

Perhaps, as 45 said, I am a person with a great talent for acting... Perhaps, this will be further demonstrated when I go back and participate in Mrs. Grey and Tom's operation, but before that, I need to do what a boyfriend should do.

2021.5.29

......

......

......

"What are you writing?"

The girl's sudden voice startled Luo Fan, and he instinctively closed the black notebook he was writing in.

Caught off guard, he awkwardly replied, "Uh, I was writing in my diary. During this time... Weren't you asleep?"

A few minutes earlier, the girl beside him had already lowered her eyes. Only after confirming that she would not wake up due to external factors did he take out his notebook and begin to write down his thoughts.

She smiled blankly, as if she had just woken up from a simple and clear dream.

"I noticed you're still awake, so I'm a little curious... Can I see what you wrote?"

"Please give me some privacy. If you want to see it, I'll let you see it later..."

I accidentally wrote a bit too much, so it's best not to let her see it for now, lest...

"When will it be? When we're old and you can't even read anymore, will I sit in my armchair and read to you?"

She rested her head on Luo Fan's lap and rubbed against him affectionately, like a cat sitting cross-legged on an old man's lap.

Luo Fan chuckled at this vivid idea: "That's fine too, provided that I can still understand what you're saying at that time."

No, back then the girls probably hadn't changed at all. If such a time ever came, just imagine how Yingque would react. So many years have passed, and they haven't aged at all.

Unless Mrs. Grey and Pascal prepare new adaptive bodies in advance, older versions of the girls, so that they can temporarily use these bodies to accompany Yingque to finish this last play.

Although it's a bit surreal that in an emergency, these girls, despite their elderly appearance, could move with incredible speed and smash someone's face with a single punch...

Of course, one could also hope for a better outcome, that Mrs. Grey and Pascal have collaborated to discover a method for immortality, or... perhaps they've worked on this so-called "reverse Kabbalah factor"...

If they could stay with him forever, Luo Fan would certainly envy the so-called immortality.

Of course, everything should be left to nature; after all, even immortals descend to earth, and things naturally change.

"Profit or loss?"

he asked suddenly.

"Ok?"

Do you think you understand me?

Since the timing is right, perhaps we could try asking...

The girl was very puzzled, her clear pupils shining brightly in the room where only a small table lamp remained.

"Although many years have passed, you should still know me quite well, so why do you ask?"